Suspecting a urinary tract infection (UTI), I call the vet and talk to the receptionist.
“You want me to do what ?!?!
You want me to get a urine sample?
For my DOG?
Are you joking?”
After I get off the phone, I tell myself, “Okay, I can do this. At least I can try.”
Holding a plastic cup in my hand, I go out into the backyard with Jujube. But she didn’t pee. She decided that this was the perfect time to sit, enjoy the cool breeze, and gaze peacefully at the night sky.
Being impatient, I take both dogs out on leash for a quick walk around the block. Maybe some different smells will encourage her to pee. I have a plastic cup in one hand and two leashes in the other. Loki marks all over the place like usual. Jujube nothing.
Finally (after I already lost my patience) she starts doing her pee dance. I get my cup ready and get really low because she squats to pee.
Eww! Gross! Now I have dog pee all over my right hand! Luckily, I do have a teeny tiny bit of dog pee in the cup. It’s only like 2 mm high. I hope that’s enough. With my right hand contaminated by dog pee, I have to get back inside my home using only my left hand.
Once inside I wash my hands vigorously, wipe down the sides of the cup, wrap it up in plastic wrap, put another plastic cup under it, and then stick it in the fridge.
Would you like dog pee with your beer?
For all the trouble I went through to get that urine sample, she better have a UTI. I know it’s not nice to wish my dogs bad health, but I need to feel that all that grossness was worthwhile.
P.S. You might wonder how I knew it was Jujube and not Loki. First, Jujube was acting weird. She kept pacing all night long. Second, she wanted to go out into the backyard a million times, but then she didn’t pee. And she’s usually very quick about peeing in the backyard. Third, Loki was acting normally.